Variety/Blend: Syrah/Mourvèdre/Viognier blend
Region: South Africa
Recommended Pairing: Sexual pain
First appearances are important but inherently deceiving. This is true for both people and wine. This wine has secrets—dark ones, let me tell you. You might approach this wine calmly at first, but that would be a mistake. If this wine were talking to you on a dating app, the red flags should start going up after about five minutes of conversation.
What’s the blend? Syrah, Mourvèdre, and Viognier. Seems harmless, right? Wrong again. Individually, these grapes are pleasant and friendly, but together they turn into monsters. Like when you reunite with old high school friends and go a little bit overboard with the Sambuca, now aren’t we, Jessica? The next thing you remember is sprinting through the woods naked and half-wolf, baying at the moon.
This wine turned me into a man I don’t recognize.
On the nose, it’s got a little bit of fruit—plum, perhaps blackberry. Edgy! But take a sip, and this wine’s true colors start showing. On the front end, it’s peppery and even has some licorice notes. On the back end is where things get real scary. (If I had a nickel.)
Notes of leather and tobacco pop out of no where, like when your date emerges slow-moving from his bedroom in a leather teddy, holding a whip and smoking a cuban cigar. Suddenly all of the weirdly specific questions about combat boots and anal-ese brand loyalty make sense.
You’re scared at first. Then maybe a part of you likes it.
Side Note: I intentionally do not give these wines number rankings or stars, but if I did, this one would get 200 out of 5 stars for having a name and a label that matches the personality of the wine so perfectly. Seriously, try this one.