Variety/Blend: Sangiovese and Cabernet Sauvignon blend
Recommended Pairing: Valentine’s Day masturbation
If you’re the type of person who goes to Trader Joe’s 2+ times in one weekend, then you probably recognize this wine.
It’s labeled as a red table wine, but this classy red blend ain’t no frumpy “pass the wine, Aunt Jo, you’ve had four glasses, and the main course hasn’t even come yet” table wine. This wine knows how to properly shave its asshole with just one mirror instead of two. It’s smooth, it’s proud, and with a few more passes of the razor and a quick bleaching, this wine will be ready for some hot tongue action.
Everyone seems to want this wine to be paired with something, which makes it the perfect wine to review right before Valentine’s Day. But honey, this is a strong, independent red wine who don’t need no palate cleanser.
Would this wine pair well with food? Of course it would; it’s got notes of cherries, light chocolate, mint, and gentle spice like that fire in your temples that ignites when an older relative asks you if you’re dating someone. And all of this makes it incredibly food-friendly. But there’s plenty to love about this wine on its own—without a pairing—you misogynistic, heteronormative pig.