Variety/Blend: Pinot Noir
Region: San Luis Obispo County
Recommended Pairing: I Don’t Feel Like Dancing by Scissor Sisters
Pinot Noir has a great reputation. Wine snobs love it. People who don’t know anything about wine love it. Titus Andromedon loves it. It’s the watered down charity drag show of wines!
Don’t get me wrong — it’s delicious. It’s practically begging to be paired with food, and it has a smooth, rounded finish. But this wine isn’t gonna get on the stage and talk about how bleached its asshole is. This wine will contour its face until it looks like horned lizard, stuff its bra, and tell you to donate to the Trevor Project. Sexy!
If you’re a 22 year-old straight, white girl who’s in the mood to dance around your room to the Scissor Sisters, this is the wine you should be drinking. It’s friendly and it feels comfortable being itself around you, but it leaves all that really gay shit at the door.
This wine is just flamboyant enough that you can pretend the act of drinking it is a service to the LGBT community. But this wine doesn’t feel like it can truly be itself around you, and your commodification of minorities is not appreciated.
You still get an A for effort (not ally).